I was raised not to ask for things. When birthdays came along, we got what we got. Same with Christmas, and Hanukkah. I'm the same to this day. Making a Christmas list is almost an impossible task.
As an adult, if I wanted something, I earned the money and bought it myself. That worked fine. So when I'd be window shopping with a friend, I might express a desire for something, but it was only words. If I wanted whatever I was staring at badly enough, I'd come back later and buy it, if I could afford it. I never lived above my means, preferring to do without some things and have money to pay my bills.
When Larry and I had only been married about five or six years, we had a new baby. His friend from law school, Doug, who lived in Las Vegas, came to visit. I wasn't thrilled because we had no space. He didn't mind camping out on the sofabed. But in the middle of the night, I'd be up breastfeeding Stevie and reading him A.A. Milne poetry, a few feet from Doug. He never complained, and was grateful to be welcomed into out little family.
One morning, he walked Stevie and me to my office. I worked for myself and brought my baby to work every day. Eclair Bakery was right below my office. I loved their windows. We stopped to see what was fresh that day. We commented on the luscious confestions in the window. There was a tiramisu cake there, and I remaked how much I loved it. Doug mentioned his favorite, too.
We then parted--I went to work, and he went sightseeing. I didn't think anything of it as I headed home to prepare dinner. When we had finished, Doug whipped out a box. Yep, you guessed it -- a tiramisu cake from Eclair. I was dumbfounded. That had never happened to me before. I cried --and ate a big piece.
As he was leaving, Doug thanked us and chided Larry for not realizing how lucky he was to be married to me. His thoughtfulness, listening to me, never left my heart. I can still remember the warm feeling it gave me. To think someone so removed from me had actually paid attention, and acted upon my words, astounded me.
A few years later, Doug told us he had cancer. He fought for a while, then called with a strange request. He needed $5,000 for an experimental treatment. (This was more than 20 years ago.) Raising two kids, we simply didn't have the money. If we had, we would have given it to him.
Sadly, he told us he'd asked his folks before calling us. His parents had been divorced for a long time. His mom didn't have it, and his father said he didn't either. I remember how angry I was to hear his father had brushed him off. If it had been me, I would have done anything and .everything to raise the money to save my son.
Not much time passed after that conversation until one Sunday in December. Larry's church was having it's Christmas concert in the afternoon. I had gone out on an errand. When I returned, there was a message on the machine. It was Doug's mother. I didn't bother to listen to it as I already knew why she was calling.
Shaken, I went to the concert anyway. As I sat quietly, the choir came through, as they always did, down the center aisle, carrying candles, and singing "Adeste Fidelis."
The song started my tears. I sobbed quietly through the entire concert. Now every time I hear that song, it brings tears to my eyes, as well as good feeling to my heart. The warmth of friendship from Doug, who listened, remembered and acted, has stayed with me. He may be gone, but his kindness lives on in my heart and mind.
Happy Holidays.
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