Welcome! Today I'm trying something different. I'm taking a small break to throw out something I've been working on for a new book. I'm anxious to get your feedback. What do you think? Does this character intrigue you? Is he real? Interesting? Would you want to read his story?
The setting is her art studio where she's using him as a model for a book cover. He's 45 years old, just the right age to portray the hero of the book. This is what's going through his mind as he's posing for her.
He's an old money Christian and she's a second-generation American Jewish woman. They are not dating and have had a contentious friendship tenuously drawn together over the love of a particular painting they saw at an art show.
The snippet is a little longer than usual and I apologize for that. Please let me know what you think. And be honest!
PS. I know it's a lot of telling and not much showing. I will editing in the showing after I nail down the scene.
When you're done, hop on over to the other authors. Find them HERE.
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He watched her gaze travel across his
shoulders and down the open front of his shirt. She adjusted the opening to be
just so, not exposing too much of his chest, but just enough for the picture.
When she drew her lower lip between her teeth his eyes were drawn to her mouth. Then he noticed a slight pink creep into her cheeks as her gaze rested on his chest.
He didn’t
want to notice those things about her. He’d been perfectly content for 45 years
not noticing much of anything that didn’t pertain directly to his life. He’d
ignored most of the world, especially the little nuances of women. He'd kept his
focus on his life and the things he needed to button up to get through his
day. And that’s all.
But not
now. Now he noticed. He noticed her, everything about her. How she styled her
hair and what clothes she wore. He noticed how tight her blouse was, emphasizing her tempting but forbidden breasts. He noticed that her eyes shone
in a different way. Was that desire? Was it lust? He had no clue because he’d
never noticed it in a woman before.
Oh he
wasn’t a virgin. Quite the contrary. But sex had always been kind of a bargain,
a reward for treating an attractive woman to an expensive meal or a night at
the theater. Kind of bought and paid for in a subtle way totally acceptable to
society. But not with her. He’d never ask her to dinner or the theater, and
even if he broke every rule of his and his family’s, she wouldn’t go with him
anyway.
No. Sex
had never been about a willing look on a woman’s face. It had always been about
him making a subtle pass and either getting the green light or getting turned
down. That was it. Quite cut and dried. But not with her. With her nothing was
cut and dried. She threatened his sense of the world. With her it was about emotion, raw emotion. He saw it in her
art. The way she sometimes followed the rules and other times took liberties.
He burned with jealousy that she could be comfortable taking liberties while he
never dared to step out of the box that had become his life. Why should he? He’d
been content with his situation. He lived an extremely comfortable life, one
that everyone else on the planet would envy. But not her.
She
laughed at his rigidity, his conservative values and ideas. Laughed, like he
was some kind of clown or something. And she’d questioned him, relentlessly
until he felt unsure, unsure of his own ideas and of what was right and proper.
She was never proper and she didn’t care. And it made him mad.
He raised
his gaze to hers and saw something flit through – was that desire? No, he was
delusional. He was the enemy, the Nazi waiting to throw her in a prison camp.
No, she’d never desire him. At that moment, though, he could swear she did.
Then he felt heat come to his own cheeks because he desired her. Wanted her in
a way he’d never wanted a woman before. All hot and sweaty, earthy, and primal.
The feeling shook him so that he suddenly felt unsteady.
“Are you
all right? It’s hot in here. I'll open the window,” she’d said.
Hell, what
was wrong with him wouldn’t be fixed by opening a window. Nope. He’d done it.
Crossed over the line. He wanted her with every fiber of his being. The
forbidden fruit. What the hell was he going to do now?
I would definitely be interested in reading more. Great beginning with a lot of potential. I find the chracter intriguing.
ReplyDeleteYes, I find the characters and situation intriguing. I would like to read more to see how it all evolves. Bravo!
ReplyDeleteGood beginning. Not too sure about the Nazi part. I am not sure I'd want to read a Nazi romance. I do like the writing as it's great as always but not sure about this character.
ReplyDeleteLove the descriptions. Definitely could understand what he is feeling and how he is ready to risk it all for her. Great job!
ReplyDelete